i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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