shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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