If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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