Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
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She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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