I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
