im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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