Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
