Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
