Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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