Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
