I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
