i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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