Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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