her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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