: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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