Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
