Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
