somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize