I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
