I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize