i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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