chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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