i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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