So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
