You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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