Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
