and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I believe in your delicious
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
