Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
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We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
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Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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