i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
