This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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