upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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