Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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