a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
