apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
