I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
