Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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