Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
