My nipple is on Facebook.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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