She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
