I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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