He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
