they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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