It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
