She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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