The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
porn star boner night. come get it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
