I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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