Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
