so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
