ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
