You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
