enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
