we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
