my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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