I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Nicole vs. Life
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Randomize
