Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
