i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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