You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
