There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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