proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
