I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
