So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
