I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
