I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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