My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize