Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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