if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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