I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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