I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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