I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
