just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
