I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
