I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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