"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
