Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
