fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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