we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
