Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
