I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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