It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
