one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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